A misty night. Lights
illuminate the whole street. Night had fallen into my view. I was sitting in
front of a closed shop, watching the passing crowd. The blurred image in front
of me. The place is moving too fast. I lit my cigarette. Hoping it would slow
things down. Nothing really caught my eyes. In my own world, everything is
black and white. There I was, alone.
Without any warning, it started to rain.
No really heavy but enough to get me drenched. I didn’t bother to move. The
place moved even faster. Everybody began to rush, began to run. I stood up and
began to walk. Not because of the rain, it was because I wanted to. Now and
then, people knocked into you, accidentally brush against your shoulders. They
might become your friends. Who knows?
This person, wearing a pair of sunglasses late at night,
brushed against my shoulders. He held onto my waist and we ran in the middle of
the lonely road. He dragged me to one
of the old apartments nearby. He unlocked and pushed open his apartment. It was
dim inside. It was not really neat, neither was it untidy. I had a mysterious
yet comfortable feeling of this place. I did not bothered to think more about
it.
He walked up to his open window and sat on
the ledge. He was smoking with his dreamy eyes that were cast on me. He lazily
dragged the cigarette between his fingers and placed it between his lips. He
puffs and created the misty atmosphere in the apartment. He parted his lips and
began to say something. He said he was Toshiya. “I thought you might be the one
for me,” he said dreamily. That was his reason for dragging me up here. I did
not care much after all I needed a partner. He walked up to me, placed his
cigarette between my lips. He buried his head into my chest and idly strokes my
back.
We never talk much to each other. We just
like each other’s company. Do you call this love? We walked into the quiet
tunnel noisily. Our footsteps echoed throughout the quiet place. We sat side by
side, enjoying each other’s scent. Soon, tons of cigarette butts were all over
the place. Toshiya got bored. He dragged me with him to play on the escalator.
We continued this for a long time, on the night the both of us were like the
only ones. No one cares.
He fell asleep. I carried him on my back
all the way back to the apartment. I smelt his hair and feel his presence.
During high school, people just gets on and off on relationships. I guess I am
the unusual one. Although I had many different people hanging around me,
getting near me. I never felt love until 20 March 1995. First love. My world
began to be filled with colors. I don’t know how long would it last. The longer
the better I guess.
The little things we did in life. How many
can you remember? Toshiya was playfully dipping the toy plane into the fish
tank. Scaring the fishes seemed to amuse him a lot. I wanted to remember every
action of his. I took the video camera and took down every detail. He tried to
push it away but I insisted. There were so many different scenes I wanted to
remember. Especially, the way he sleeps. I stared at the television with him
on. I couldn’t help giving away my smiles. I took the camera up, pressing down
the on button and play around with it. On the screen, my curious and playful
looks were shown. Just like how I felt for Toshiya.
I guess I changed my feelings and emotions
really fast. It was only a few days ago when I felt Toshiya was the drug to
cure my addiction. I thought I was mature enough. But what I felt for him was
just curiosity and playfulness. 31 March 1995. We broke up. My world
went back to black and white. I’ll never forget him though. He was the first to
add color in me. I guess I’m just another stop over in his journey. He will
reach his destination soon. When will I? Or would I ever reach there?