~~ White Day Éclairs
***
…
Today
Is White Day
Exactly One month after Valentine’s Day
…
Today
I will receive an answer that I have been waiting for one full month
Answer to the most important question
…
From the most important person
Right now
In the most important place in my life
Dir en grey studio
…
Kami sama
I know it is selfish of me if I wish for what I want to hear
But
What I have been feeling inside is too strong for my conscious self …
It makes me selfish
It makes me think of only myself
But
Please
Let it be what I want to hear…
Please
Please
***
“Kaoru kun! What are you doing here?”
The man was Yoshinori Abe, he worked with Kaoru for Drain Away, they were the programmers and he had helped Kaoru a lot with the remixes for that singles. He knew Dir en grey’s schedule so that’s why he knew Kaoru should not be here today, at this time.
“Aren’t you supposed to come only by seven? Right now Die kun is recording, almost finished”
Kaoru tilted his head to a side
“I’m not here for Die”
Abe san grinned, “Oh…so you’re here to look at things? Trying to see if there’s anything you can …help”
Kaoru nodded and threw himself on the couch. He sighed and looked at the recording room. Die was talking to Toshiro, one of the engineers.
“Die kun is dying…” Abe said, laughing, “He had to redo three times cuz the program he wanted to use crashed”
Kaoru winced
“Well, not exactly crashed…it’s just that…the sound doesn’t come out nice…and there were talks of switching studio”
Kaoru laughed, “That’s so me huh?”
“Yeah…you and Die…sometimes… so similar it’s scary” Abe laughed and continued, “You’re the Diva though. No one beats that”
“I think Totchi too”
“Ahh…he’s a good boy in studios”
…
“Only in studios” Abe added
Kaoru laughed
…
“Kyo?”
“Sleeping…said he’s too lazy going home and sleep on his own…doesn’t he have a koibito or something?”
“Yeah but he’s on tour”
“Ah…okay…”
…
“You’re so early today ne, Kaoru kun? Earlier than the ones that are supposed to be here right now”
…
“Ah Die kun is done”
Kaoru smiled as Die walked out of the recording room with an exhausted look on his face. The older man sighed at the bags and tiredness in those eyes. Die saw him, widened his eyes and then placed himself opposite Kaoru.
“Geez Kaoru!!! What a workaholic!!! Get me out of here!!!!” Die exclaimed in exasperation. Kaoru patted his back, “Die, how’s it going?”
“Yeah, FINALLY we can get something to go with the sound. Thank God I’m done”
“So now we only have Shin kun to touch up his part before giving it to Kaoru kun and I”
Die nodded, “Yeah. This week is hell, I tell you! We’re chasing deadline and all…it’s insane”
“Wait till the song reaches us…” Abe laughed, looking at Kaoru. Die looked at them weirdly before laughing, “Yeah…” he nudged Kaoru, who pouted at him.
“So what are you doing now?” Kaoru turned to Die, asking.
The red head rolled his eyes, “Go home, take a quick shower…and sleep!”
Kaoru raised an eyebrow
“No sex?”
Die narrowed his eyes
“No release after a long HARD day?”
Abe started to snicker while Die was dumbfounded for few seconds before he too started to laugh
Kaoru looked at the red head with a grin on his face
“So now you can laugh huh?” Kaoru poked Die’s rib teasingly. The red head ducked away, laughing harder, “I think you have a point here …yes I do need release…WHERE is Totchi?!”
All men laughed hard
“What’s with Totchi?! Huh…all I did is not being here for a day and you all have dragged me into some lewd conversation!!” a voice snapped amongst laughter and suddenly they sat quietly.
Toshiya walked in with seven coffees in one hand and a handbag in the other. Behind him was Shinya with a backpack. The taller guy started to give out coffee after placing his handbag on a table, “One for Kaoru, Shinya…here’s yours…” The drummer silently took the paper cup, “One for Abe kun…” Toshiya stopped and looked at Die with a mock glare, “No coffee for you”
“MOU!”
Shinya sighed and shook his head
Kaoru laughed
…
“What’s with the ‘sigh’ Shinya?” Die asked grumpily, “Totchi chan please I need coffee…”
“No you don’t! You said ‘go home, take a quick shower…sleep…’ I don’t recall you saying you need coffee”
Shinya hid a smile
Die stared at them with wide eyes, “How long had you been eavesdropping?!!!”
“Long enough to hear what went before that…” Toshiya pouted, glaring at Kaoru. Abe started to laugh again. Kaoru just looked surprised, “Sneaky Totchi!” said he. Die laughed anyway and Toshiya handed him a cup of coffee. Shinya walked toward them and sat beside Kaoru.
“See my koibito is a nice person…gives me coffee even though I drag his name into my lewd conversation!!” Die exclaimed to Abe with a genki tone. Kaoru laughed and Toshiya bapped his lover’s head with a cushion, “See to it if you get your release!!!” Toshiya yelled, poked his tongue out and went away to give out the rest of the coffee. Abe rolled with laughter while Die moued again, louder.
Kaoru smiled as the atmosphere had turned warm and mood had lifted up.
Kyo groaned and sat up
Everyone looked at him
“You guys make too much noise!”
“Shinchan! I think you should start!” Toshiya yelled from the recording room
Kyo groaned louder and lay back on the long couch, “He’s the worst! Snapping his voice like that in this lovely morning!”
“It’s not raining …not too hot and not too cold…just nice and breeze” Shinya commented
“Thanks for the forecast Shin kun” Die said in a girlie voice and they all laughed again
…
Today
When?
…
Please
…
“Ah, Kaoru san! You’re here!” someone walked into the room and saw Kaoru, “Can we do the program checking before what happened to Die san happen to us later? Abe kun, come with us too?”
Abe nodded, “Sure!” and got up, walking toward the room
…
Kaoru turned to Shinya
…
Shinya looked at him
…
“We’re not using the same program right? I think it should be fine!” Kaoru stood up, speaking to the man at the same time. Abe shrugged, “Let’s check first…” and they closed the door behind.
Shinya looked at the door
…
He grabbed his bag, stood up and walked into the recording room, where Toshiya and all the engineers had waited for him.
Die and Kyo started to chat
***
Knew it’s insane to reach the studio at 9am
…had tried to sleep so I could look good today
But was too nervous that I couldn’t even close my eyes…let alone fell into slumber
…
He looked so normal just now…so casual…?
Kaoru bit his lip
***
13.30 pm
Shinya looked at his watch
“Shall we go for lunch?” Toshiya asked as soon as he saw the drummer looking at his watch. The other men nodded and agreed to come back at three. Toshiya got out first, telling Shinya he needed to check on his lover, “Probably dead by now” he murmured giggling.
Shinya stuffed his wallet and handphone into his pockets and walked out of the recording room. Toshiya was waking Die up. Kyo was sitting opposite them, stretching his arms. The drummer looked around and he couldn’t find Kaoru. So he asked Toshiya where they would go and the taller guy said they were going out for lunch and asked Shinya if he wanted to go. The drummer looked at the three wicked faces and declined the offer.
Kaoru walked in
“Nah! Kaoru kun! Shall we ALL go for lunch?”
Kaoru looked at the four and shrugged, “Sure”
“Okay! See ya Shin kun!”
…
“Shinya not coming?”
…
They all looked at Shinya
“Hey, just come with us”
“Yeah, you don’t have to be back until three” Toshiya said
Shinya sighed, “But I’m meeting the costume people at two. There are few changes I need to make on my costume…it’s too tight” he explained briefly. Kyo whistled, “Ahhh growing BIG shinchan?” he teased. The drummer smiled with a blush on his face. He then lifted his arm up and strike a pose, showing his muscles.
They all wolf whistled him
“Ano…” Kaoru began
“Ahhhh I’m soo hungry!!!” Die wailed like a kid and pushed them all, except Shinya, out the door.
By now Kaoru was frantically searching for an excuse NOT to go with them
K’so
K’so
…
“Eh…Kaoru kun?” Shinya suddenly called out
…
“Yeah…?”
Did that sound like calm?
Fuck…he sounded anxious…
“Ano, Sawako san said she needed to talk to you about the costume as well…”
…
…
“Ah…sou desu ka…”
“Hai”
…
Kaoru looked at the other three, “That means I can’t go with you….” He trailed off
“Ja ne! Kaoru, Shinya!”
…
Kaoru looked at Shinya and gave him a quick smile. The drummer smiled back
“Shall we go for lunch together?”
Shinya nodded
Okay
…
***
“Ahhh…the forecast didn’t say it will rain!!”
Kaoru raised an eyebrow at his companion, “You listen to forecast Shin kun?”
“Hai, every morning NHK”
Kaoru laughed and stared at the pouring rain
“Can’t believe it’s five and it’s as dark as seven”
Shinya was beside him, drying himself up. They were not really soaking wet. The rain had just started. Kaoru and Shinya had gone to [a knot] office, which was somewhere far from the studio. It was quite breezy and the sky suddenly turned very dark. By the time they came out of the restaurant it was drizzling and they thought it wasn’t such a bad idea to run to the carpark. But Kami sama thought differently and halfway through the rain poured heavily.
“What day is today?”
“Tuesday”
“Which date?”
“Eleventh of February…Kaoru kun…rain washes away your memory?” Shinya asked with a smile
Kaoru kept staring at the rain. Now all he heard was Shinya’s voice and the rain
“I wish…” he whispered
Shinya looked at the dark sky
“What should we do now?”
…
“I can drive you home”
Shinya turned to look at Kaoru and widened his eyes
“Kaoru kun! You’re wet! Why didn’t you dry yourself up?” Shinya asked, his hand rumbled in his bag, searching for tissue paper, “Here”
The older man took it and started to wipe his forehead
“Shin kun…”
“Hm?”
“I don’t feel very well…”
Shinya widened his eyes and slowly placed his hand on Kaoru’s forehead
“Do you have any aspirin in your house?”
“Yes”
“Then we go to your house, I’ll cook you something to eat then you take some medicine”
“I have a fever?”
Shinya nodded
So they went to Kaoru’s apartment. Shinya made the older man take a quick hot shower while he went ahead to “destroy Kaoru’s kitchen”
The guitarist laughed silently as he tried to picture Shinya in his kitchen, cooking something, taking care of him…
“I’m not a good cook…so I hope it’s okay for your taste”
Shinya had made something ‘soft’ to eat. Kaoru stared at it for a while before trying. Shinya looked at him worriedly, and Kaoru nodded in approval, “This is good”
“Thanks…is it really?”
“Hey, so you made me try it first!” Kaoru pouted
Shinya giggled and ate his food, “Ah, this really is nice!”
Kaoru laughed and surprisingly to him, they had quite a lively dinner. Apparently after the meeting, they bumped into Kaoru’s aunt and they just had so many things to say about her. So now, since it was just the two of them, Kaoru started to imitate her action. Shinya then opened up a little and shared a story about his aunt. After dinner, Kaoru took his medicine.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Hai, but just a little aching here and there”
“Symptoms of flu eh?”
Kaoru sighed, ‘I can’t get sick now…” he muttered and looked at Shinya.
Shinya smiled to him
“I won’t let you fall sick Kaoru kun”
…
Kaoru smiled
It felt strange
Shinya was just a friend three hours ago, just a band mate last week, just a person with him and three other guys trying to make music for living.
Shinya was just Shinya an hour ago when they ran to the carpark under the pouring rain
Now Shinya’s here, in the place he called home, sitting with him, talking to him, …taking care of him
…
Did it feel like this to have someone at home?
Someone to come home to?
…
It’s like as if home never felt so sweet
***
“Where are we eating?”
Kaoru blinked and jerked his head up. He used his hand to brush his hair and turned around to look at his companion. Shinya was studying his face. He felt warmth on his cheeks, and afraid that Shinya would see him blushed Kaoru looked away
“Since we don’t have much time…how bout the cafetaria down the road?” he asked calmly
Shinya nodded, “Sounds okay to me”
They had reached ground floor and were now standing outside the building. Shinya looked up at the sky and sighed
“Will it rain today?”
Kaoru looked up too
…
“Maybe”
“Reminds me of that evening eh Kaoru kun? When I had to stay overnight at your place cuz you fell ill?” Shinya asked
…
“You remembered?” Kaoru asked
“Yes”
“How come?”
Shinya smiled and replied, “Because I had always looked at you as a strong person who holds up everyone’s tears…carrying everyone’s pain on your shoulders”
Kaoru was studying Shinya’s face when the younger guy continued,
“But that evening, Kaoru kun, you seemed so fragile”
Kaoru kept staring at his companion, who smiled. Shinya sighed and put his hands inside the pockets of his jacket, “Shall we go now?” asked he
Kaoru nodded slowly, “Yes”
***
“Kaoru kun tanjyobi omedetou!”
“Whoa…you ARE précised! It’s exactly twelve am!”
Shinya handed him a present. Kaoru parted his lips in surprise, “Shin kun, you don’t have to…”
“But I want to…and since I can afford it…” he shrugged and watched as Kaoru opened the present. It was a very quiet night and there were just the two of them. Die went home with Toshiya while Kyo’s lover was in town. Kaoru stayed because he was composing while Shinya stayed because he needed to practice. The older man gasped as he looked at the present.
“It’s an antique pocket clock that tells the date, which you can bring along everywhere you go”
Kaoru smiled curiously, “Why?”
“A clock because you seemed to forget about time…when time is very important to a person. The dates because every single day in our lives, something new happens”
“Why an antique?”
“Because memory is the most valuable possession a person could own”
…
Kaoru smiled and looked at the clock
“So this present is because of that evening…?”
“Hai. That evening stays in my memory”
***
Die walked into the room smoking, and he grinned as he saw Kaoru sitting on the couch, “Yosh, have nothing to do huh?”
“Not until seven”
“If Shinya finishes fast then you can start early”
…
Shinya
…
Where is the answer he has been waiting for?!
“Die?”
“Hm?”
“Today is…White Day right?”
The red head rolled his eyes, “Yes, and it’s hell”
“How so?”
“Because this is the day for seme like me to return favors from Valentine’s Day!! I mean, that day is bad. It’s only good for chocolate companies, and now there is White Day!”
Kaoru just had to laugh, and he asked, “What did you get for Toshiya?”
“A dozen of roses…chocolate and…” Die cleared his throat, “A dinner…I’m cooking” the red head added with dreadfulness. Kaoru laughed softly at that
…
“What’s the rule of this day?”
Die looked at him weirdly, “You mean…like how it is for guys…blahblah?”
Kaoru nodded
“Well, if a girl gives you chocolate on Valentine’s Day, you must give her a reply today. If you like her, you get her chocolate. If you only treat her as a friend, you know…” he shrugged, “Just LIKE and nothing more…you give her candy”
Kaoru nodded, “And if I don’t like her at all…I give her a handkerchief”
Die smiled, “For her to wipe those tears …it’s lame…” he added and shook his head. Die took a long drag of his cigarette and said after a while, “I have always thought…you give your reply a month after Valentine’s Day, one month…isn’t it too long? I mean…” he shrugged and looked at the older man.
Kaoru was gazing into space, “Ne, for those who give it sure is hell. But for others who receive, it’s nice to have thirty days to think about it…funny”
…
Will I get chocolate from Shinya?
…
Kaoru took something out from his pocket
“Hey, what’s that cool stuff?” Die asked, grinning, “It’s a clock! Like an antique heh? Cool”
17.45 pm
***
It’s driving me crazy
It’s insane
…
no, don’t go home…no!
it’s not fair!!!
You should at least give me an answer! Even though it’s a handkerchief it’s okay…
As long as you give a response
…
…
fuck
I feel like an idiot
***
“Kaoru kun, shall we start now? Or are you having dinner first? It’s already seven!”
“I’m not eating, you guys go ahead”
“Thanks for today minna, arigatou!” Shinya said quietly and bowed to the engineers. Then he looked at Kaoru and said his goodbyes. And he left, walking out the room…no turning back, and Kaoru felt like as if he was left alone in the studio, being rejected mercilessly, unwanted, not needed. It was already seven thirty and Shinya had left. The others had gone home. It was dinner time but he had no more appetite.
Shinya left
Without giving him the answer
On a White Day like this
Not even a handkerchief
***
“Moshi moshi”
“Shin kun…where are you?”
“Huhh…I’ve just left the studio! And I’m so glad I’ve finished. Where are you Toshi kun?”
“I’m at home, Die went out to get something. Haha, he cooked”
“Really? What’s the occasion?”
“Nothing….just White Day”
“Oh, is it today? Well…it’s one month after Valentine’s Day huh?”
“Yeah…hey, did you get anything from anyone last month? Hahaha, I forgot to ask!”
“Few fans sent me stuff”
“Mou! And not telling me about it?!”
“Don’t moued me! You’re picking up Die’s habit! Well…they made me take everything home. So for one month I just ate and ate and ate chocolate! Maybe that’s why the costume didn’t fit me!”
“Hahaha I think you’re right! But how did you carry all those home?!”
“I had to stuff some into my backpack, and some melted like crazy!”
“So did anyone ELSE gave you anything? I feel bad though, it was such a busy day no? I couldn’t get anyone a present, except for Kaoru and Kyo’s birthday! All my money had gone there!!”
“… yeah…… mine too actually”
…
“Kaoru gave me something on Valentine’s day?”
“REALLY SHIN KUN?! Whoa…”
“Just for formalities though…hm, I think it’s because I got him something interesting for his birthday”
“Yeah, Die was telling me about it”
“Hey I gotta go now, can’t stand talking on the phone …”
“Okay, Die’s back anyway….if anyone asks you where I am, say you don’t know. Ja!”
“Mata ashita”
Shinya put the phone inside his pocket and looked at his watch. It was almost eight and he looked up the night sky. It was clear, so he decided to take a walk to the bus stop.
***
Kaoru sat down dejectedly on the chair after Abe said he needed to sit down and had a break. His face was pale, and his head was spinning. Someone had bought him a bottle of water and Kaoru gulped the fluid down readily. He had actually complained of being thirsty. It was already ten. Ten o’clock at night, two more hours to midnight…
And still no answer from Shinya
Maybe that’s why he looked paled. Maybe that’s why his throat felt dehydrated, his voice hoarse, and his head dizzy and his lips dry
His heart ached
Badly
…
God
He didn’t deserve this. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he had thought at least; AT LEAST he would get some response from Shinya. Since that evening, they had started to open up to each other and conversations had flowed smoothly. Shinya had given him a present, so special that Kaoru carried it everywhere he went.
He thought he had hope
He thought maybe Shinya would feel what he had felt…no, maybe not as much as what he had felt but …AT LEAST a little bit!
…
He had hoped too much
Kaoru shook his head and massaged his temple
So stupid
***
Shinya fumbled with the keys before he finally got into his apartment. He used his leg to kick the door closed, and used his arm to lock the door. Both his hands were carrying a huge paper bag from the convenient store nearby. Shinya was its last customer, so he was glad that he had done a little shopping for his kitchen. Not that he always cooked but when his mother visited him two months ago, she had complained that he had a very unhealthy kitchen.
Whatever that meant, he had thought. But Kaoru came few weeks ago and told him the same thing
Damn
Somehow it made him felt so embarrassed
Shinya placed his backpack on the table and went to the kitchen with the paper bag. He took everything out and placed them where they should be. After it was done, Shinya went to the living room and charged his handphone. He sat down for a while, turned on the TV and smiled to himself as there was a music program.
His stomach growled
Shinya knocked his forehead softly
He had forgotten to buy something to eat for supper! Damn! Maybe he could just go to bed and forgot about it
…
But he was too tired to get up and took a shower
…
Maybe he could just sit down and watched TV and forgot about hunger
***
“Kaoru kun! I forgot!!!”
Kaoru turned to look at the man in confusion
What now?
“Before Shinya kun left, he suddenly remembered there were few things he needed to pass to you”
…
Kaoru blinked
“Oh”
“I had put them on the table near your bag”
…
Kaoru stood up and his knees went weak. Shakily, he walked across the room. On the low table was his bag, a stack of CDs …Kaoru joined his eyebrows. He bent down and picked up his backpack and unzipped it. Then he moved the sofa…his eyes shifted to the carpeted floor when something on it caught his eyes
A handkerchief
Kaoru blinked
…
He picked it up
Before Shinya kun left, he suddenly remembered there were few things he needed to pass to you
…
Kami sama
Is this the answer I have been waiting for?
***
Shinya sighed frustratedly and walked toward the kitchen. He was too hungry to forget about his stomach. He was ‘unhealthy’ so there must be something to eat in the fridge. Ice cream was a big NO cuz he had promised himself not to have it for a week, or the costume department would complain again. If it happened then Die would tease him endlessly about it. Jell – O wouldn’t satisfy his need of food and beer would make him sick right now.
He knew he was a person too healthy to have any junk food in his fridge, yet his mother and Kaoru, of all people, had told him the opposite.
Shinya opened his fridge and…
Wait
There IS something I can eat!
Shinya bit his lip while his hand reached for something
Kaoru’s chocolate
Now he remembered that night, he had come home late but was full enough not to have supper. Shinya DID take a bite or two of the chocolate and put the rest inside his fridge
…
It’s a month from that day
…
Shinya looked at the chocolate tin doubtfully
Maybe he could still eat it…but…
Shinya took out the wrapping paper and turned the can upside down to check the expiry date when suddenly the contains poured out because he had opened the can. Shinya gathered the chocolate pieces and was going to put them back inside the can when he noticed a paper folded so tiny being placed to the bottom of it. He joined his eyebrows and took it out. Then he unfolded the paper…
It was Kaoru’s handwriting
Shinya looked at the tin, the paper and the chocolate
…
***
Kaoru sighed
Hopeless
Useless
…
There, the answer you had been waiting for
A handkerchief, for you to wipe your tears away…tears of dejection
Kaoru started to smile sadly, and he didn’t noticed Abe standing beside him until he got a pat from the older man. Kaoru jumped and looked up
“You know I have been looking for that damn handkerchief the whole night?”
…
“Eh?”
Abe nodded and took the handkerchief from Kaoru’s hand
“This is mine, arigatou”
…
Kaoru joined his eyebrows
…
Dear Shinya
You must be shocked of my sudden change of feeling. How can you not, I myself feel surprise.
If you ask, when does it start…I don’t know. I might be able to say, that maybe it started that evening, when you had to stay overnight in my place. But when I really think about it, it feels too short while this feeling that I have had felt like so long ago…like forever.
People make mistake in life and forget about it. When they eventually remember it, they regret. I had that, Toshiya, Kyo and Die had those times too. You said you had no regrets in life, and I trusted you. Like you said, time is very important to a person. We have to catch time because it moves without waiting for us. And everyday, every single day in our life, things happen. Things that are new, things that we can learn for life.
However, Shinya, you also said, that memory is the most valuable possession a person could own
Maybe time is like us too. Maybe it doesn’t want to run pass us, maybe it wants to pause and wait for us. But it can’t. It will never stop for us…. And you know, maybe things that happen to us today are a repeat of what we have done the day before.
That’s how we regret
Because we remember
We have our own memory, sweet ones, and bitter ones…
Shinya, when one day I look back at the days of now, I don’t want to regret. It is you who teaches me the value of time and memory. I respect them but never so much to look into them. To you maybe it was just an act of spontaneity that you said those words. To me it opened not only my eyes but my heart also.
Someone who was just a band mate last week, who was just a friend three hours ago had become so special today. You said in life you had no regrets, no memory. I thought you were a person who lived to forget, but now I feel that there are so much about you that I haven’t known.
When I look back at today, I don’t want to regret it
Shinya, I value time as much as you do. Of this sudden change, I hope you can tolerate. I will not push you, but I do wish for an answer.
As days go by, I will hope for your reply.
White day is in a month’s time
Will it be sufficient for you?
…
I smile at our little memory, when we ran under the pouring rain and when you sat beside me in my place
Home never felt so sweet
…
Truly,
Kaoru
…
Shinya blinked and realized there were tears in his eyes. He blinked more, taking a deep breath and his vision was clear again. His finger trembled as it traced on the paper, on the handwriting. And Kaoru’s face appeared. Now it was apparent to him …the nervous attitude, the strange glances Kaoru had given him just now. He smiled and took another deep breath.
Kaoru WAS fragile, and he DID carry other’s burden on his back
…
Kaoru, can I share?
***
RINGRING
…
RINGRING
…
RINGRING
“MNnnn!!!! Moshi moshi!!”
“Toshiya?!!!!”
“…Shinya?”
“HELP ME!!!”
Toshiya batted his eyelashes few times before sitting up abruptly on his bed
“Shinya! Are you okay?!!!”
“Yes…no…”
“You sounded as if you had just cried!” Toshiya exclaimed
“I wasn’t crying, but I think I will if I can’t find any chocolate by midnight!”
…
Toshiya started to smile
“You will make it Shinya” he said softly
“NO I don’t think so!!! All the stores are closed by now and I had been to three twenty - four hours stores and they had no stock for chocolate!!”
***
Shinya used his left hand to rub his eyes and right hand to hold the phone
“I’m in a cab, going toward the studio”
He leaned forward, “Sumimasen, if you see any store, please stop” he said to the driver. The older man nodded
“I can’t find anything…they said they pulled out the stock because it was Valentine’s and they wanted to focus on selling those chocolates. Can’t even find a normal chocolate bar!”
Shinya closed his eyes
“Tell him straight?”
…
“Why I call you? …because you’re the first person I remembered”
Shinya smiled
“Okay, arigatou…Ja”
Shinya hung up. He looked out the window and recognized the area. The studio was five minutes away. He looked at his watch, …twenty minutes to midnight.
God
Kaoru, how would Kaoru feel?
He must had thought …that…Shinya…rejected his feelings?
“There is a shop!!” The cab driver suddenly exclaimed
Shinya jumped out of the cab and stormed into the shop, “Sumimasen, I’m looking for chocolate!”
Two men looked at him weirdly
“Ano, we don’t sell those stuff here”
Shinya blinked and looked around. True. No more time. He had to tell Kaoru himself. So Shinya ran back to the cab. Once he reached there, Shinya quickly went up to where Kaoru was. But he couldn’t see him yet. Not yet. There was no more time but he must had something to give to Kaoru! He couldn’t just go see Kaoru and talked to him cuz Kaoru was recording!!!
The drummer sighed desperately and paced up and down the corridor. Then he walked into the meeting room and stood quietly there.
He remembered
Chocolates from fans that he stuff into his backpack.
Shinya poured the content of his backpack out. Maybe there was still some chocolate left inside but Shinya knew it was hopeless becuz he was too tidy to leave any crumble or pieces.
Then his eyes caught something
***
Kaoru put his headphone down and gave Abe a thumb up. The older man grinned and nodded to the engineers, “This is good. Yeah, now we have to do the final mixing. Is Kyo kun’s CD ready? Or maybe you want a break?”
“Another break?” Kaoru raised an eyebrow at Abe. He looked at the watch. It was almost midnight and they only had to mix Kyo’s voice into the music. It sounded easy but it wasn’t. especially now that Kaoru was nursing a broken heart.
“Sumimasen, Kaoru kun”
Kaoru looked up
“Ano, Shinya kun is outside”
…
Kaoru’s heart thumped as he looked through the glass and saw Shinya standing by the sofa outside the recording room.
Shinya gave him a nervous smile
Kaoru replied with a nod
“Kaoru kun, he wants you to have this”
The guitarist joined his eyebrows and gave out his right palm
…
A candy
Kaoru looked up, and Shinya gave him another smile.
Friends
You were just friends
No more than that
Kaoru smiled and looked away as music started to fill the room. Abe gave him a signal to listen and he nodded. From the corner of his eyes, Kaoru knew Shinya was still staring at him.
…
Without thinking, he unwrapped the candy and popped it into his mouth
It was the taste of vanilla, so sticky at first, the caramel softened slowly in his mouth. Kaoru tried not to think about it. The taste of vanilla caramel…taste of the broken heart. He closed his eyes to concentrate on the song. When suddenly the caramel melted and a burst of chocolate filled his mouth. He did not realize it, not until he felt the sultry texture. It was bitter initially but then the caramel taste set in and blended with his saliva…it was steamy and moist…
…
Kaoru opened his eyes
Shinya was smiling, shyly
…
Kaoru licked his lower lip and swallowed
Bitter and sweet
He started to laugh and Shinya did the same
***
“Arigatou!!”
“Arigatou!!”
Kaoru grinned to the engineers and walked out of the recording room. He gasped seeing Shinya asleep on the sofa. Kaoru walked to him silently and crouched down beside the sleeping man. He studied his face for a while before picking up Shinya’s jacket that fell on the floor and covered Shinya with it. But the drummer shifted and opened his eyes.
“Kaoru?”
“You’re still here Shinya?”
…
Shinya sat up and smiled, “I was waiting for you…must have fallen asleep”
“Sorry” Kaoru whispered
…
“Ano…” Kaoru cleared his throat, “Would you like to have supper…?” he asked
Shinya widened his eyes, “What time is it?”
“One thirty”
“Yes, I’m starving actually”
Kaoru laughed and stood up, while Shinya put on his jacket.
…
Kaoru offered his hand
Shinya paused, looked at Kaoru’s hand and then looked up at Kaoru’s face. Then he smiled, took the hand and stood up. Kaoru smiled back, and they smiled to each other like that for a while before looking away embarrassedly.
When they reached outdoor, still hand in hand, Shinya turned to Kaoru
“Kaoru, when one day I look back at today …
Shinya tightened his hold on Kaoru’s hand
…I know for sure I have no regrets”
***
Owari
Lady7
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