…sugar fix
Kaoru x Toshiya.
~this is for Gift, Rika + Pippy^-^, VM, Callista… - but especially Clare for being the best beta ever! I LOVE U! *hughug*
(note: the title is taken from the Yellow Monkey song “Sugar Fix” which is the english version of their song “Amai Keiken” ^^;;;; which I might add is an extremely hentai song! ^0^!!!)
***
Sulkily Toshiya stuck his bottom lip out and letting an upset sigh out as he raised his head, making Kaoru sigh slightly irritated. He rolled his eyes and glowered at the bassist before settling back down to the documents he had to sort through and read. A little part of Kaoru was hoping that Toshiya would continue to bug him, but another part of him hoped Toshiya would stop being such a brat.
The room was uneasily silent, making it extremely difficult for him to concentrate; blinking slightly Kaoru lifted his eyes catching Toshiya’s attention as his eyes strayed to the slim figure standing. Toshiya glared at Kaoru, his lip trembling as Kaoru blinked once and then sighed lowering his head again. Sure Toshiya was a complete brat sometimes…but Kaoru couldn’t help but give into him usually.
He hated it when Toshiya was sulky and upset, plus it gave Kaoru a thrill when he saw Toshiya’s eyes light up with happiness and he grabbed hold of Kaoru’s small arm holding tight onto him, Kaoru was always worried he would melt with happiness. He bit down on his lip, he wanted to Toshiya to smile at him today, but he just wanted to finish a bit of his irritating work - then he’d focus all his attention upon Toshiya.
With a soft sigh he returned to looking at the sheets of papers that the manager had handed him and he started to read them through again. Toshiya still sulked, noticing that for once Kaoru seemed intent on working on and not giving into him. He pouted and walked slowly over to Kaoru sitting down beside him; gently he placed his rather large hand on Kaoru’s arm a miserable expression across his face as he looked sadly at Kaoru.
Almost immediately he could feel Kaoru giving in, it was obvious in the slight way that he tensed and his cheeks went a faint crimson colour - Toshiya held back his grin and waited his forlorn expression finally making Kaoru look at him a little shyly. Toshiya slipped his fingers around Kaoru’s arm and waited with his bottom lip stuck out for Kaoru to say something.
“Ok…Totchi, I’ll take you shopping…” Kaoru pushed the papers away and looked up in time to catch Toshiya’s radiant smile and the joy in his eyes. He knew Toshiya was only really happy because he knew he had such control over him; he wished it meant something more to Toshiya than just a bit of fun… But before he had time to feel depressed about how little he meant to Toshiya he was dragged up and rushed of in the direction of the door by an excited Toshiya.
Kaoru grinned a little letting Toshiya drag him along and chatter excitedly, such a change from the sulky silent bassist he had been only five minutes earlier. Despite the fact that Toshiya was dragging Kaoru, he actually depended upon Kaoru to decide where it was that they would go shopping; he just wanted to shop. Perhaps that was the funniest thing of all, Toshiya wanted Kaoru to decide where they would go, knowing full well he couldn’t decide, they almost always ended up wandering around wondering what to do. Appearing very cutely much like a couple, yet for some reason neither man realised this despite the stares that they got.
“Ne, are you hungry?” Kaoru asked quietly blinking in his typically serious way, scratching his head as he looked at Toshiya. Toshiya tilted his head to one side for a moment, thinking before nodding his head a little, “hmm…lets go eat something…I’m lazy to walk around the shops…” he grinned and then started to drag Kaoru further down the street in the direction of some cafes.
“Err…what shall we eat?” A kind of fear gripped Kaoru as he spoke, terrified in case Toshiya would depend upon him to decide this. Panicking he started to go through all the possible eating places around them each,sounding fine but he didn’t know which was better and which Toshiya would want to eat at… His face began to go pale, and he seemed to have forgotten that Toshiya hadn’t even answered him when warm fingers grabbed his hand.
Instantly the dilemma of choosing a restaurant floated away. Shyly he looked up meeting Toshiya’s eyes, Toshiya had never held his hand before, his heart was pounding fearfully in his chest he blinked slowly his throat going dry so that even if he had something to say he would be incapable of saying it. Toshiya smiled down at him gripping his hand tighter before pulling him off away from the direction of the cafes.
“Nee…let’s just go for a walk…” Toshiya said brightly, narrowing the distance between himself and Kaoru, his eyes falling on Kaoru making him smile even more. Kaoru always seemed so strong and powerful where Dir en grey was concerned but he was a complete disaster with his personal life making Toshiya constantly have this overwhelming desire to take care of him. Of course to Toshiya taking care of Kaoru merely meant spending excessive time with him - like he was today.
Kaoru didn’t speak; his eyes fell to the ground, he felt as if he was floating along and even though he could see the ground he couldn’t feel it. The warmth of day was filling him and there was a slight gentle breeze blowing, he had never felt that Tokyo was so peaceful ever before. The noise of the traffic and people talking was all around them but a gentle silence surrounded them.
Toshiya grinned slightly looking ahead at the streets; Kaoru had not been paying any attention to where they had been walking at all, with a slight smirk he started to slow down making the smaller man slow down too… Kaoru still seemed nervous; his hand was shaking a little in his hand, waa…Kaoru is so kawaii… Squeezing Kaoru’s hand to reassure Kaoru he stopped, turning to face Kaoru.
Kaoru didn’t meet his gaze, instead he looked down at his shoes nervously playing with his fringe, trying to ignore the fact that Toshiya was looking at him. Toshiya’s hand touched Kaoru’s chin, his fingers slipping under it lightly bringing Kaoru’s face up so that his eyes had to meet Toshiya’s.
“Ne, why are you so nervous with me?” Toshiya stared deeply into Kaoru’s eyes, “do I scare you or something?” he asked gently waiting for an answer. Kaoru coughed and looked down not sure what to say in reply. Biting his lip Toshiya sighed it was obvious that Kaoru didn’t want to answer, “look if I scare you just tell me, and I’ll stop bugging you… I like spending time with you, but if you hate it…” he paused letting go of Kaoru’s hand, “I’ll leave you alone.”
Kaoru’s eyes widened in shock and his lips quivered a little, Toshiya’s expression didn’t change and just stared into Kaoru’s eyes waiting for a reply. Quickly opened his mouth to speak but he shut it again and shook his head quickly, taking a deep breath and then finding the courage to speak.
“Of course you don’t scare me…”
Toshiya was too impatient to let him finish speaking. “But then why is it when the two of us are alone you always seem so scared and nervous around me? When we are working its fine…but as soon as I catch you alone you change so much…” he sounded a little upset and pouted with a slightly sad expression.
“Do you not enjoy going places with me? Is that why you always say no and then after awhile agree to it?” Toshiya wanted to know the truth; he couldn’t stand seeing Kaoru so timid and nervous around him any more. At first it had seemed cute, but Kaoru never changed and it was starting to make Toshiya feel like he terrified Kaoru or something… A chill ran down his spine, making Toshiya tense; he was scared to find out the truth but guessed it was better in the long run.
To his surprise Kaoru smiled softly and then lowered his eyes to the ground before raising them softly, his heart was pounding and so was Toshiya’s. For once Toshiya was starting to feel nervous, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest, he wished that Kaoru would hurry and say something, the smile was gorgeous…but Toshiya had to know what Kaoru felt and thought.
A faint blush rose on Kaoru’s cheeks making him even prettier. “Well…it’s just I don’t usually go anywhere with anyone…” embarrassed Kaoru trailed off dropping his gaze and then continued. “You always make me feel shy and all fuzzy. Because you always ask me to go shopping with you or to go some place…and you never ask the others… Maybe I didn’t explain it well?” he looked up, Toshiya was staring at him seriously.
“Maybe there is a reason I only ask you…” he grinned down at Kaoru loving how cute he looked all flustered. “Maybe I only ask you because it feels so nice when we spend time together. Well I think so…it feels so natural…” he smiled joyfully down at Kaoru, “I just never thought you’d still seem nervous after all this time…” Kaoru shrugged not sure if Toshiya wanted him to say anything or not.
“Ah!” Toshiya stretched. “Hee, lets go and eat something ne? All this talking’s made me hungry! And no, don’t worry…you don’t need to decide where we will go…” he grinned and grabbed Kaoru’s arm. “Hmmm…Kao you know you have such nice arms…” he whispered before leading him off to a café.
*
”Mouuu… Kaoru,” for a change Toshiya’s expression turned all serious, Kaoru blinked and turned a little pale, Toshiya never spoke so seriously or looked so serious. Nervously he waited for Toshiya to speak, the menu shaking a little in his hold.
“You should learn how to decide…” Toshiya grinned after he spoke, Kaoru glared at him ignoring him and looking back at his menu again. Toshiya was still grinning and just tugged gently on Kaoru’s arm. “Nenene…can’t you just decide?” he whined loving the fact that he was irritating Kaoru immensely. Kaoru sighed and just shook his head, “no I can’t decide!”
Unfortunately Toshiya never knew when to stop, and so he continued to bug Kaoru about it, whining and sulking playfully, until Kaoru got so annoyed with his teasing he just stormed of out of the restaurant. Toshiya gasped, turning to watch as Kaoru stormed off, his expression black, ooops…I didn’t mean to make him sooo angry…
Toshiya looked down at the menu sighing, his chest felt so heavy, he had never enraged Kaoru so much in the past and he was a little worried… Did Kaoru hate him now? He gripped the sides of the chair feeling a little dizzy; the waiter came as if nothing had happened, asking Toshiya with a slight smirk if he wanted anything. Numbly Toshiya pointed to one of the sundaes on the menu wishing that the waiter would just fuck off.
Normally such a sundae would have gone down very well - it was a delicate mix of layers of strawberries, chocolate and ice cream - but today Toshiya barely cared and ate it quickly. The sooner he could get out of there the better.
Should I go round to see Kaoru and say I’m sorry? Toshiya wondered. It is the weekend…maybe I should just leave Kao alone until Monday? But I don’t want him to be angry with me…What the hell am I supposed to do? Ee…maybe it’s ok if I phone him?
The sky was darkening as he walked down the same road that he had earlier walked down with Kaoru, he sighed lowering his gaze to the road. The station was just another few blocks away yet this walk had never felt so long. The sky was a hideous shade of orange colours; a shiver crept down his spine, there was just something ominous and unpleasant about this time of night. He walked faster and faster pleased when the train station entrance came into view, at this time it was so deserted.
Humming softly he waited on the platform, not long until his train came. He could hear a train coming; when it arrived he tensed knowing it was Kaoru’s train…heading in the opposite direction to the train he took. But something made him turn and march over towards the train, his eyes wild as he stepped onto the train moments before the doors shut. His heart pounding, there was no turning back now.
It wasn’t long before he was standing on an unfamiliar street in the steadily darkening night. Toshiya sighed, turning as he tried to remember which street he should walk down to find Kaoru’s apartment block. He smiled remembering, quickly he walked off down the slightly sloping street, his nerves felt like they were stretching with fear. Was Kaoru still angry with him? Kaoru had never really been angry with him in the past, he pretended to be, but this time he looked really angry.
*
Toshiya rang the doorbell and waited, he could faint noises of loud angry music coming from inside, he sighed and pressed the bell again. As he waited in the dark and cooling night, still Kaoru didn’t open the door, and Toshiya felt his emotions welling up in his chest, hot steaming tears rolling down his cheeks, he had really upset Kaoru…maybe he would never talk to him again.
Sad and angry at himself he sank to the floor, determined to wait at Kaoru’s door until he opened it - he was going to apologise at the first opportunity he got. Toshiya wrapped his arms around himself shutting his eyes and, sitting on the cold concrete his back against the wood of Kaoru’s door.
Toshiya dreamed wildly of strange Kaoru’s calling him and talking to him, only to tell him repeatedly that he hated him…and was never going to forgive him… Then Kaoru pushed him down, knocking him flat on his back, making Toshiya cry as he hit the ground, he had never known him to be so violent and mean…His heart was breaking…
*
”Toshiya!”
Surprised and still a little teary-eyed Toshiya woke with a start, he started to cry, it hadn’t been a dream; Kaoru had really knocked him to the ground! He didn’t want to wake up, shutting his eyes and covering his face with his hands, hands on his shoulders surprised him, but he didn’t move, hands pushing him up. Now he understood Kaoru was pushing him away.
“Oh Toshiya…” Kaoru whispered, making all the hairs on Toshiya stand up, his voice sounded so sad and gentle, upset Kaoru wrapped his arms around Toshiya’s body. Even though Toshiya was so convinced Kaoru hated him, he melted into his arms… He wished to hide in Kao’s arms forever; it felt so good…
“I’m sorry…” Kaoru whispered, his voice was soft and soothing in Toshiya’s ear, he relaxed even more, how could he not love Kaoru when he was so sweet and perfect? He sighed, certain that Kao was going to say he hated him – but just was trying to find a nice way to let him down gently.
“I’m sorry I stormed off like that…” Kao continued he hugged Toshiya tighter, “I didn’t mean to…and I didn’t know you were out here all night!!!” Kaoru’s voice sounded strange, Toshiya frowned and looked down at Kaoru’s face and to his shock he could see tears in his eyes, and so much care for him…
“No, no don’t blame yourself Kaokao!” Toshiya hugged him tightly, “I aggravated you…” He trailed off feeling so weak. “Ne could I have some water please? So thirsty…” Kaoru nodded and took Toshiya’s hand gently leading him inside the house. Gently Kaoru helped him to sit down and then went to get him a class of water.
“Please forgive me Totchi, I treated you so terribly yesterday…” he sighed, looking down at his trembling hands. “It’s just I care about you a lot ne; and it hurts when you tease me so much.” He pouted looking at Toshiya’s pale face… Toshiya drank the water before lowering the glass to speak. “Gomen ne, you just look so kawaii when I tease you, I didn’t realise it hurt you…” he took Kaoru’s hand into his rubbing it softly to soothe the guitarist.
“Ne, do you know why I get so flustered around you?” Kaoru asked taking a deep breath, “Because I love you, please don’t hate me…but you make me feel all fuzzy and warm inside… I melt… Please don’t be disgusted with me… I’m fine with only being your friend – even that makes me soo happy!” Despite the worry that filled Kao incase Toshiya would be disgusted, he had done it, he had told him! He felt so proud; those words had always been on his mind for such a long long time!
Toshiya gasped and then his lips parted up and up and up into a gorgeous smile. He held onto Kaoru’s hand tighter feeling his heart pound a thousand times faster inside him. So Kaoru felt the same way he did, he was truly melting, he cupped Kaoru’s face, letting his warm brown eyes gazed lovingly into Kaoru’s.
“I don’t need to say anything…do I?” he whispered before kissing him lightly, his lips then parted Kaoru’s deepening the kiss gently. When the two men pulled away breathless, Kaoru hugged Toshiya tightly and whispered his reply to his statement before the kiss, his eyes were so soft and dreamy. “No…you don’t need to say anything…” he stroked his hand down Toshiya’s back. “Let me make it up to you for yesterday?”
“Let me speak first…” Toshiya commanded brushing his fingers through Kaoru’s short spiky hair, getting distracted with the way he looked. “Ahhh…kawaii,” he whispered making Kaoru’s hair stand out cutely. “Sorry…” he giggled, “waaa I love you too! That’s why I always wanna spend time with you! And no, you do not need to make it up to me for yesterday…just kiss me, hold me…touch me…and look into my eyes…and I won’t need anything else…” he sighed happily. “Cause really, you’re my sugar, my everything…”
Kaoru’s eyes widened in surprise at what Toshiya was saying, and then blushed as he saw that Toshiya was blushing too, he had never seen him blush before! Before he could think of anything to reply with Toshiya grabbed his arms and pulled him closer. Their eyes met; Toshiya sighed and grabbed Kaoru’s hands placing them on his chest, begging him to do all that he had dreamed of doing with Kaoru.
“Let me love you…” Kaoru whispered smiling before he kissed Toshiya. Toshiya sighed, those were the words he wanted to hear. He felt so high, so happy… and just floated off to a happy place with Kaoru.
***
*hides* SAP O______O;;;; SAP SAP SAP SAP SAP *digs hole to hide in...*
gya i can't believe i wrote this - altho i guess it was worse, much worse before Clare beta-ed it ^^;;;
flames and dentist bills can be sent to me at: got@winged-dream.net *hides from the rotten tomatoes being thrown...*
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